My boyfriend is currently a seasonal (bonded) officer for Cedar Point. He has compleated the police academy and he has taken EVERY civil service exam that has come up. I just feel like it is taking so long and so does he. He is really stressing out, and in turn I stress out. Right now he is living 45 minutes away on his boat which is docked where he is working so on top of it all we have a little distance in the relationship, and I am starting to feel like a single mom and I KNOW he wants to be here with us. We want to get married, however we want to wait until he is settled in his career. How do I handle all this stress, while helping ease his mind? I just want to be there for him!
Haha I guess this was like 8 questions in one.
by no means is it a “bad relationship” it’s quite the opposite. I do have to say he is handleing the stress better than I am and he doesn’t take it out on me or our son. I think it is more that I am a little empathetic and I can pick up on his stress levels and it isn’t anything he is really doing or saying. Also the distance doesn’t bug me much because he does come home on his “weekends” and I drive down there every weekend (I am a preschool teacher so I get an actual weekend) it is perfect because it is a very family area so when he goes to work I have plenty to do with our son.
Right now it does just seem the difficulty is in that there are very few police jobs here. We have considered the Carolina’s next, however he wants to exaust our area first. He is still in the process for two cities by us, so we’ll see. He was number 2 on the list after his physical agility test and civil service exam for one city.
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5 Responses to “How do I deal with my boyfriends police job search?”
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A nationwide shortage there be. Go out of state or at least to some other departments.
CaliMom, if he can’t handle his stress, it might be better for the time he does so, in order to maybe seek counceling. Sounds like old advise but its true because it’s definitely taking stress on your children also…your children are the most important factor at this point. He needs to set his priority at this point or everyone may lose. He has to be stronger and you should help but not appease. These are hard steps but whats he going to do after he finishes. Does his stress level stop then? If it were marriage, I’d hold off, even if they are his children which you did not mention. Things could only get worse. In the end…..it seems like it’s all up to him….both of you should get help…..I know there must be a lot of arguing……you said we want to get married…..so get him off the boat.
Distance is not good for anyone. 45 minutes myself, he’d either be coming home or I’d show him the door. I don’t buy into that myth, when things are better, that stuff drags on and on.. And normally a woman ends up getting played…
Yeah this is a lot of questions and unfortunately there is no easy answer. It sounds like he is set on having a job in law enforcement and it is nice that you seem to be supportive of this. Without knowing all the details, like the reasons for the delay in him getting hired, some of your other life circumstance etc there is not a lot more I could really say other than to hang in there.
Having to be away from home for work is hard on both of you I’m sure. He is stressing because he does not understand why he isn’t getting hired. You said it yourself, you just want to be there for him, so do just that, support him. If he is by chance not passing the test then he either needs to study harder or consider another related field.
As far as getting married, do not rush, if you agree that you want to be more secure in your careers and financial situation that is perfectly normal, and it is fine to wait. Also this is not all about him, you support him and he needs to do things to help you as well. Talk with him about ways to try to spend a little more time together, 45 miutes away is not all that far, so try to spend a little more time together.
Good luck and like I said hang in there.
Additional
I just read some of the other responses. I did not get the impression from your post that this is a “bad” relationship with a lot of other problems. If that is the case then you do need to consider your future with him. What I got out of it is this particular situation is causing some stress for both of you and that you both seem to agree on most things. If that is the case the thing to do is not to cut and run but to work harder on making it work.
Demand he return home at once. Take out the whip and handcuffs,black boots..Make him obey you at once